


Fuck You

by PrettyWhizzer (NargleAdvocate)



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: A lot of this is word for word from the musical but there are slight changes, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Anxiety, Just a healthy dose of angst, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, i really like writing Evan jumping out of trees
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 07:14:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11550156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NargleAdvocate/pseuds/PrettyWhizzer
Summary: Soulmate AU where your soulmate's last words are printed on your wrist.





	Fuck You

Evan stared down at his wrist, a small frown on his face as he sat in his favorite tree, at the very top, kicking his legs. The shimmering golden letters petrified Evan more than any social interaction he'd ever had, which was rather terrifying. Two simple words that made him want to sob into a pillow every night. Maybe he was overreacting, but how else was he supposed to take it?

_Fuck you._

The words could mean anything, Evan knew that, but... The worst is all he could assume. He and his soulmate were going to get into a fight before his soulmate died. It was probably going to be his fault his soulmate died. He'll be responsible. Evan took a gulping breath, trying to calm the oncoming panic attack. He was freaking out about events that probably wouldn't happen for years. It made him want to laugh. He was pathetic.

He stared down at the ground, considering it. He knew he wouldn't die here, because that would defeat the purpose of the soulmate marks and it would throw everything off balance..... Then again, there were a few people who the only time they interacted they said "fuck you" and left because Evan was too anxious and it annoyed them. So it could be one of them.

The soulmate situation just made him feel more alone. If those words were the last things his soulmate told him, that means they probably hate him, and he would always be alone, just like he was the whole summer, and he wasn't sure if he could deal with being alone his whole life! It hurt too much. The ground was only becoming more appealing with each thought.

Evan took a deep breath. No note. His mom didn't deserve the pain that comes with knowing that your son committed suicide. He'd be okay with everyone thinking it was an accident, that he fell out of a tree and it wasn't anyone's fault. It wasn't anyone's fault but his own. He gripped the branch for a few more seconds before leaning forward, letting himself fall off the tree.

Terror gripped him. Time slowed down around him, and it was all a blur of green and brown. Time speed up when he hit a branch, and then another one, and then suddenly he was on the ground. His body ached, and pain was shooting through his arm, but he was alive. He turned over onto his back to stare up at the tree. Someone would come for him, to help him.

5 minutes.

10 minutes.

15 minutes.

20 minutes.

30 minutes.

No one came. No one cared. He lifted his arm (which he was sure was broken) with a wince, and stared at the words on it. They were taunting him.

Fuck you.

* * *

 

Evan stared at the empty doorway where his mom exited, trying not to groan and spam his head on his desk. First day of senior year! Positive outlook! It was like a big joke. He was just going to be as equally awkward and lonely as last year. Nothing changed. He just had a stupid cast on his arm from when he fell, covering his soulmate's last words, which was supposed to be some sort of ice breaker.

Evan took a deep breath. Positivity. He shouldn't be rude to his mom, even in his mind. She was trying her best, he knew that.

Walking into school was the same as always. Trying not to panic, and Jared not helping in the slightest. Evan tried to ignore the teasing, but made a mess of himself instead. 

"Hey, Connor. I'm loving the new hair length. Very school shooter chic."

Evan winced, turning around to see Jared's target, Connor Murphy. The most ominous kid in his year. Evan was sure he had some sort of anger issues and it kinda made him feel... Bad? for him. He probably was nicer than he acted. Didn't prevent Evan from flinching at Connor's withering glance at Jared.

"I was kidding. It was a joke."

"Yeah, no, it was funny. I'm laughing. Can't you tell? Am I not laughing hard enough for you?" 

Jared laughed with a nervous edge, turning to leave. "You're such a freak."

Evan watched him leave, eyes growing wide as he realized he was being left alone with Connor. He turned back to the other boy and let out a nervous laugh, moving backwards slightly.

"What the fuck are you laughing at?" Connor hissed.

"What?" 

"Stop fucking laughing at me."

"I'm not."

"You think I'm a freak?" Connor stomped towards him.

Evan flinched again. "No, I don't--"

"I'm not the freak."

"But I wasn't--"

"You're the fucking freak." 

Evan whimpered as he was shoved to the ground, staring after Connor as he stormed away. He landed on his bad arm. Fuck. He pulled himself up slightly, moving to sit up against the wall. Evan appreciated the pain, just a little, because his last thought before he was pushed was how pretty Connor's eyes were.

* * *

 

_I wish that everything was different. I wish that I was apart of... something. I wish that anything I said.... mattered. I wish I could meet my soulmate and they wouldn't hate me. I mean, face it: would anybody even notice if I disappeared tomorrow?_

_Sincerely, your best and most dearest friend,_

_Me._

Evan clicked print on the document, stretching his neck from being bent over the keyboard. He listened to the familiar sound of a working printer. He spent way too much time in this stupid computer lab.

Turning around to retrieve the paper, he came face to face with Connor, for the second time that day. He was holding a piece of paper in his hand, and had a slightly curious look on his face, which Evan was ashamed to say shocked him. And his eyes were softer than they were before and... He needed to stop staring. 

"So. What happened to your arm?"

Oh. "I um, I fell out of a tree actually."

Evan curled in on himself slightly as Connor laughed and said, "You fell out of a tree? That is just the saddest fucking thing I've ever heard. Oh my God."

"I know."

Connor glanced down at the cast. "No one's signed your cast."

Evan bit his lip and looked away. "No, I know."

"I'll sign it."

Evan turned his head back and blinked stupidly up at Connor. "Oh. Um... You don't have to."

"Do you have a sharpie?"

Evan stared for a few more seconds before pulling a sharpie out of his pocket and handing it to the other boy. Evan wasn't sure about Connor signing his cast, but he couldn't exactly say no, because then he would get mad and Evan's hands would start sweating and--

Connor's name was taking up the entire front side of his cast. "Oh. Great. Thanks."

"Now we can both pretend we have friends."

That one kind of hurt. "Good point."

Evan grabbed the marker, turning to leave and get his letter, when Connor held out the piece of paper from before. "Is this yours? I found it on the printer. "Dear Evan Hansen." That's your name, right?"

Evan's heart stopped for a few seconds. "Oh, that's just a stupid-- it's a paper I had to write for a, um, for an assignment..."

He could feel time slow around him as Connor glanced down at the paper, eyes searching.

"Because there's Zoe." Connor's eyes narrowed. "Is this about my sister?"

"No! Not at all." 

"You wrote this because you knew that I would find it."

"What?" Evan blinked a couple times, confused.

"You saw that I was the only other person in the computer lab, so you wrote this and you printed it out, so that I would find it."

"Why--"

"So I would read some creepy shit you wrote about my sister, and freak out, right? And then you can tell everyone that I'm crazy, right?"

"No. Wait. I don't even, what?" Evan's eyes were wide and he had stepped backward a couple of times.

"Fuck you." Connor crumbled the letter in his fist and stormed out of the room.

Evan followed, calling after him, "But I really, I need that back. Please. Can you just, can you please give it back?"

He watched as Connor froze in the hallway at the words, moving his head to look down. Evan watched him, confused. Connor turned to look at him, his eyes much softer than they had been a minute before. His lips moved, but Evan couldn't hear what he was saying. And then he was gone, out of the school doors, leaving Evan alone in the hallway. He stared, and stared, until the conversation caught up with him and he wanted to pass out.

He had said "Fuck you". He had definitely said that. Evan shook his head. No, there was no way- He refused to believe it. He must have heard him wrong. 

After a few deep breaths, Evan turned around and walked back into the computer lab. 

* * *

 

He woke up screaming that night. Something felt like it was ripping through him, something was being torn away. He was in a blur of pain and tears. His mom came in, scared with wide eyes, and Evan reached out to her. He eventually fell asleep again, the pain subsiding. 

* * *

 

"Connor, uh, Connor took his own life."

Evan gripped at the arms on the chair and tried not to cry. He was... There's no way. But, he wasn't able to check his arm because of the cast, he didn't know if it had disappeared, and the pain last night... All the signs pointed towards the affirmative. He let out a choking sob, covering his mouth with his hands.

"Evan?" Connor's mom called out."

Taking a few shaky breaths, he uncovered his mouth long enough to say, "He was my soulmate."

He really was alone.

Fuck you, indeed. 


End file.
